Sunday, December 30, 2012

repeat the sounding joy.

Began on December 29, 2012.

Oh, friends! I have a wonderful reason to be gathering you here this day.
Makenna Joy is one! Last year on December 29th I was torn. We had to be at home, but Miss Kaneenia was being born. Our hearts were anticipating getting our arms around that Little Light.
We soon would, but the wait of that week to recover from my cold {which always staggers around Christmas} + to give the Clay's space was hard. Thankfully, Miss Makenna and I have made up for those snuggles. Little Light loves eskimo kisses... she will lean in a lil' more just in case you want to give her one more kiss before you go... and she loves pulling on this kid's hair. {ME}

Can you believe it's been a year since I announced her birth in our small corner of the world wide web? This year has flown. Overall, it has been full of long days--some good, some bad. When you have a year of long days, you want to see it go, but maybe it goes a little too fast.

I am reflecting on this last year. It's been an interesting one... but it has been a blessed one. Just because life is hard doesn't mean it's not abundantly full! We have experienced empty years + we are grateful for our life in this lil' town of ours that He has led us to.

Now, as for Miss Makenna... 
You won't get a long, sappy, heart-wrenching letter. Her special birthday letter was already delivered to her... for now you get to know her... and I get to look back on my unknowingness of picking this song before Mak... and how fittting it still is today.

Look at all the angels watching you
They're singing songs that we have never heard
And their voices ring like bells over the mountains
Oh, if only we could hear their words

God is near, little girl
God is near, little girl


^^not mine

Your eyes are brilliant, deep sky blue

Their quiet wisdom is an evening song
And the angels must be breathless at
Your beauty

Like the world catches its breath before the dawn

God is near, little one
God is near, little one

Jesus bends to hear you breathe
His tender hands are holding you tonight
His heart is ravished when you look at Him,

^^not mine
And oh, the endless mercy in His eyes

^^not mine

God is here, little light
God is here, little light
God is here, little light
God is here, little light

I have played this song so many times that her precious big brother Luke came in the room the other day when I was singing it and said, ''That's Makenna's song!" :)

I can't remember how I found this treasure of a song, but it tis so precious.
I don't know why God has put these little lights into my life--ALL OF THEM--but He has. I am so incredibly blessed to get to see these families day in and day out + serve them in the way that I try. Their quiet wisdom is an evening song... even if our play time is the farthest thing from quiet! As I gaze at what the Lord has done in this babysitting journey + gaze ahead I can do nothing but bow my head and praise Him. It may not do a single thing for all of the families that I have the privilege of being around, but the Lord uses it, as He does all my activities + day to day happenings, for His miraculous glory and my undeserved good. Looking forward to all He has planned ahead! Remember when this whole babysitting thing physically came about? Click HERE. :) Also, beware of the fact that I had just started blogging. I was that chick that used like four exclamations points after every sentence. Imagine that!!!! ;)

With all of this said, my heart is heavy today on this subject, especially as I am thinking of Makenna's joyous entry into the world. Looking forward to all the Lord is going to do in this precious connection + friendship in the future. In the meantime, trusting the Lord will do more than I can ask or imagine in this season of life, I will keep on keepin' on...

And when duty calls... and it will...I will wipe messes, give eskimo kisses, give snuggles, and read when my throat or heart is just simply spent. I will keep them away from hot ovens and fast slamming doors. I will tell stories of God's faithfulness because sometimes I find it hard to live out; Their wonder and curiosity with that childlike faith gives me a push... to just trust. To have dance parties, watch movies, and to make frozen pizzas + oranges + ice cream.

If we are faithful to the little things, we may or may not be blessed with more. I'm not chasing God for His blessings.The fact is that if you can become content with God in these little things in your season of being 'between the rains'... you will be using your blessings for their ultimate good + true purpose if and when they come along. So, when my flesh's last worry is to be content the war is raged + contentment + godliness will overpower by God's grace. If I'm not content here, I will never be content solely on the One that all joy, security, and wellness with thou's soul belongs to. If I'm not content here, I shall never be righteously content anywhere, in any circumstance He will allow me to be in. I would rather be content based off of truth with less circumstantial blessings than content sitting on a throne of lies with more.

So, when I don't want to keep on keepin' on...

I will listen to my Grandpa's stories. I will praise God that we have made it as far as we have. I will rub backs. I will praise when I don't want to... I am emptied and I shall be filled.
In trials, an introvert's nature is multiplied something terribly awful. So, when I don't want to get out of bed for more reason's than one, I will mutter a prayer surrendering the day to His Will + Glory. Muttering musings that have something deeper; that something deeper lying in my desire for Himself. I will answer to those ''how are you's'' surrending to the golden boy. I will humbly accept the prodigal. The Golden Boy represents cheap grace, and the Prodigal loves the mystery of this costly grace. The last thing I want to be doing is writing my last blog of 2012, because there were so many that went unwritten. But, my direction has needed to be elsewhere. So, please forgive me, dear blog, and everyone who has suffered the effects of my one-thing-at-a-time frame of mind in this season. :)

When life is hard... when unthinkable shootings unfold... it makes us want to hide.
Christmas' can be messy, but wasn't the first Christmas? The young as me Mary gripping Joseph's hand in pain as the Innkeeper misses the miracle at his door. {Oh, how I long to expand on that! :) Soon and very soon, I hope.} This all makes us want to hide. We put up another wall. So, days after this tragic event comes we celebrate when Immanuel found a way to not scare us, but to invite us into His loving presence.

Then, He sends people in your path to soften your heart...

To make you act silly every once in awhile...

To give you hope for your future in the cutest, sillest, and most glorious of ways...

There is nothing more beautifully vulnerable than when a baby gazes expectantly upon an older one...when they are longing to be answered + you relate + you agree with their child-like joy. You repeat the sounding joy.

As we close, may we pray for those of Newtown who need unexplainable peace. They need Hope.
May we surrender our Golden Boy personality when we want to hide... and be okay with showing the prodigal.
May we let the hope of Christmas pour into our new year.
May we surrender 2012... so many things will spring from this year that we haven't conceived yet... and that tis something to celebrate.
Let's strive to please God and not men.
May we praise God for Makenna Joy + all these Little Light's that simply can change one's world... and have already.
May we repeat the sounding JOY... in every possible, unthinkable, glorious, practical way that He leads us about in doing! :)

I got treasure up in heaven; I got dirt all over me,
Princess Emilee

P.S. 50% of this blog belongs to Makenna and the remaining to Jason Gray. {If you don't know who he is, I pity your lack of thoughtful, life-changing music. Do yourself a favor and look him up on YouTube!} I have had the hardest time this-putting-together-of-words-thing that it would have been impossible without their inspiration... and ultimately, it was wholly brokenly written through God's wondrous grace.

^^not mine

What a year! :)


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