Thursday, December 11, 2014

let your fear be righteous

     One of my biggest fears, just below flying in airplanes & going under anesthesia, is writing insincerely to you. I don't want to be a hypocrite or say things because I know it's what you want to hear - or what I know I should believe.
     That is the reason, almost 90% of the time, why you don't hear from me on a weekly basis. Because this last month has been rough & rushed & that last word is against everything I believe about a grateful life. I don't want to write something that is hypocritical or unnecessary or screams naive teenage girl. But I've managed to slow time by making lists of things I'm thankful for big & small, by taking time to create, by letting people know I'm thinking about them. "Trust is the antithesis of stress" is what Ann Voskamp says. Every day is a test for how well we trust God. How well we prioritize what's really important. Like going shopping with a girlfriend that will be in college at this time next year when she has a day off school & taking time out of my day to sincerely hug a kiddo that needs to know that not all big kids just look down at them.
     As someone that knows what feeling truly alone feels like, I have this desire to let everyone know that being alone is the last thing that describes them. In fact, it doesn't define them at all.
     I want to be one of those people that is intuitive. Someone that can read what's going on in between the lines. Someone who has the decency & - moreover - the passion to make someone feel truly loved, cared for. Someone who might just give a hug, a compliment, or a good laugh. I want to be someone that people get excited to see, because they know me for my prayer life & my kindness. I want to write what I am itching to scream to the world - & I don't want to be hindered to say those things by my ugly bully of insecurity.
     What's really important takes dying to yourself. 
     I'm feeling worn, y'all. Straight up exhausted (with an occasional side of no motivation).
     But that's not a good enough excuse to sit on the sidelines & simply watch all of these other exhausted people walking around. We're all the same. We need each other. We need to be pictures of Christ in our weakness & in our strengths. There comes a time for rest - & there is a time to act on the golden rule. If you're feeling this particular way in this season, how can you encourage someone else in a similar situation? If we want to make an impact, we have to fill up with Jesus & literally subtract ourselves from the entire equation.
     I talk about (not really random) acts of kindness more than I could count on my two hands I'm currently typing with. I write & talk about these things - these love letters - because they matter.
     What you desire to say to the world - whether it's how you raise your kids or write that paper or work with your hands - matters to God. The Message says that we are bankrupt without love.
     So, when this year ends, don't look back on it & see a lack of love. I encourage you to make an outline of the main events that happened this year. Look back over that list. When you look at those situations & circumstances, how can you move forward ministering to other people in love through your unique experiences?
     The last thing I not only want for myself, but for you, is to begin your next year feeling insincere, unloved, or regretful. We have the chance to jump start our new ways of life before the new year.
     Let your only fear in taking these new steps be only in this: fearing the Lord & fearing being insincere. Let it be that your fear is not what people will think when you step out in faith, but who will remain unloved or unreached if you don't.  Let your fear be missing glimpses of God in your everyday life, in your sojourner's eye.
     In five years, what will you regret not doing more of - or less of - today?
     I can't answer that question for you. So go find your answer.

No comments:

Post a Comment