Tuesday, October 14, 2014

renewed honesty

This is a little something I wrote in my journal on September 29th. My writing is transforming as every week passes & life throws many different plot twists at every turn. It's exciting and terrifying all at the same time. Read on:

   Ernest Hemingway wrote - I'm not sure when - to "write hard & clear about what hurts."
I don't think I've done this. I talk a lot of brokenness & vulnerability, because I love the idea of being real. I love the idea of being honest in every interaction. 
   But, in many ways, I've failed you for covering up. It's not that I've been hiding my passion from you in my writing - I've just been too scared to write it out myself. 

   I'm reading a novel - Dear Mr. Knightley by Katherine Reay. Long story short, Sam has been hurt deeply through her life in the foster care system. She is an orphan hiding in her books, not being honest with herself. Her strict professor, Johnson, finally tells her that she has no voice. He wants to see the real her - not just facts or statistics. To him, her writing was good, but it sounded like one of her grocery lists (no conviction).

   So, as if the strict professor was speaking to me, I've realized that I talk ABOUT these things - & sometimes I write about heavy topics that put me into an very scary-introvert place. But not often enough do I pour myself into my work. Not often enough am I honest enough with myself to even be able to. 

   Writing isn't all fancy words & enchanting fonts - what makes writing fancy & enchanting is the passionate heart behind it. 

   I'm going to commit myself to honesty. Honesty to my writing, to myself. 

   My journals will be some the same - but newer ones will be in the format of a letter to the dear pages  - or as a prayer to The Lord. Keeping better track of the life He's given me. Blogs will be a deeper challenge and my 'binder articles' will be see through. My forming of my books will be changed. 

   I'm not sure what this all looks like yet. I just know I have to begin. 

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