february eighth two thousand thirteen.

It was a lovely day.

And, as many of you already know, it was my birthday.

Time has flown.

As my tradition goes I will give you pictures regarding my celebrations and take you along to all the day's activities if you weren't there otherwise. :)

I rang in the new age with my pooch... we were probably both snoring for all I know.
I usually wake up and greet the EXACT minute I was born with much persistant excitement, but I decided to just celebrate... sleeping... after I shut my alarm off... for probably the third time.

Then, as Madre and I got ready we jammed to Adele and Kari Jobe before heading to the Little Apple for a day of shopping. Yes, a girl that hates shopping always goes shopping on her birthday. Although, since I didn't have a time limit, it was very pleasurable.

Our stops?

• The Christian Bookstore.

Shocked much? An hour at the Christian bookstore leaves me happy... {even if I don't get anything.}That's exactly what we did. My purchases? Every book on my list of 17 books that I could find in the store--plus one that I couldn't resist. :)

1. A Chance To Die on Amy Carmichael by Elisabeth Elliot
2. The Wounded Healer by Henri Nouwen
3. Introverts In The Church by Adam Mchugh
4. Eat This Book by Eugene H. Peterson
5. Tenth Avenue North's album ''The Struggle"

• Then, we made our way to Applebee's.

 

Don't judge me for taking pictures of my meal. This is for you visual learners, I suppose. :)

 

Then, our waitress gladly let me have my birthday dessert WITHOUT the song. Needless to say,

no matter what she did wrong in serving us... she was a hero for this introvert. ;)

 

 

• Up next, Target.

 

 

• With time to kill, we cruised.

 

• The fulfillment of Emilee's birthday wish.

Can you guess?

 

 

 

My birthday wish was to go to Starbucks to read & study by myself. Every single time I have went in there before, although I love Starbucks & the people I go with nonetheless, I have always envied the people that can go by themselves.

 

 

My nest. :)

 

 

 

From my ever so lovely friend, Broseph... AKA Chloe. :)

 

• Homecoming!

It was our school's winter homecoming basketball game... I had babysat or was otherwise busy when all the other games had taken place so I finally got to go to one! It twas grand.

 

 

With Chloe and another sweet friend. :)

 

 

With that outline, I will close this post looking forward to coming to you soon. :) Really, really soon.

 

Teach me to number my days, Lord Jesus. Your will be done. We desire You so very much.

 

I got treasure up in heaven; I got dirt all over me,

Emilee 

 

explanations of my hatred for the 14th day.

If you haven't heard already, I hate Valentine's Day. In fact, I'm sure I am one of the biggest enemies of the stinkin' day. Everyone thinks I'm quiet until they get to know me or they hear my opinion of Valentine's Day. You have been warned.

Below are the reasons that I hate Valentine's Day in no specific order. Also, I'm including cards + videos from people that agree with my point of view. I'm sure I won't stray you one way or the other. You either love it or you hate it.

• The guys never win. Ever.

For example, a boyfriend gets his sweetheart nothing for valentine's day, because she said not to worry about it. So, because men tend not to over analyze, he doesn't really know that that meant that she secretly wants him to know her heart so well that he would know she REALLY actually does want something. Whoo, that was a 'mouth'ful.

Secondly, regardless of what instructions the girlfriend gave to the boyfriend, he got her something. It wasn't enough. Who knows how many other girls got the same thing she did? She wanted something personal, but he thought spending insert-amount-here stinkin' bucks would be enough. 

• Official Single Awareness Day.

 

I mean, really?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All singles in general are lonely in some way, shape, or form enough on a daily basis. We don't need a stinkin' holiday to remind us that we are 'forever alone' and that someone out there is buying their sweetheart something that we aren't going to get... or that we aren't going to get something from a charming acquaintance we were really hoping would take the plunge.

 

BUT, if you do go out on Valentine's Day or just have a valentine of your own, seriously--pray for the singles in your life. If you think about me you can, but I'm thinking my teenage self will just

suck it up and get over my romantic self on the worst day of the year.

 

• It promotes fake love.

 

We are paper hearts, but we mustn't be torn up. . So, even though we DO want treats + presents... if the man's heart isn't in it it's worthless. She might as well throw it away. That's another reason the guy could be confused... no matter what the price tag is, for most of us, we just want to be cherished. We want a sign of that.

 

Plus, no satisfaction can come from a day, person, or material possession--in Christ alone can our hearts be filled. It's a continual practice. Our hearts are broken and we don't want to go back again and again... because it's painful. Only then, though, will true happiness and freedom come. It's hard to explain in a day-to-day way to understand, but I can tell you this for sure: constant communication with the Lover of our souls does wonders within one's self.

 

• The money factor.

BTW, the last point doesn't give you guys an out to not spend money ONLY because I said that. I'm just sayin'.

 

Back to the point, the marketing is outrageous. Why spend SO MUCH money on this day? How about February 15--the best day of the year? It represents everyday life + the beauty beheld THERE--not when everything is glamorous and covered up. I would rather have something then than because of a silly marketing scheme. Take note, future husband, wherever thou art.

 

 

• I don't like pink.

I may wear it, but I'm just not the biggest fan. The isles of red, pink, and all those cheesy sayings just... UGH.

• The stinkin' holiday sucks me in.

Maybe one of the worst things about it is that I REALLY do want something on valentine's day, but because of these reasons + more, I tell people I don't want anything. I am speaking in truth, though, when I say that I would rather have something on February 15th. Plus, buyers--it will be cheaper. :)
 It grips us hopeFUL romantics and never lets us go. Ever.

• It's overrated.

"Oh, honey, let's go out to eat tonight and wait an hour to spend $50 on a dinner that you don't even really want to go to?" Once again, the guys commitment.

I mustn't continue explainging this segment. It pretty much explains itself.

For now, that concludes my main rant. It's a small list in comparison to my passion about the subject.

On a better note: the reasons I tolerate the day.

• It gives gift-givers like me an excuse.

Like this states, it gives me an excuse to make someone's day a little brighter. You could call it some sort of courage-giver. Even though you should give randomly as well, sometimes you need an extra boost. Although, I may not take the 'excuse', it's there!

• It's my nephew's birthday.

Probably the only reason I don't say I wish the day didn't exist. I love that little guy.

That's all the good I can think of. For now. :)

 

^^Agreed.

 

 

On these last notes, men:

 

 

 

 

So, dear valentine, somewhere out there...

 

here's to you:

 

 

 

 

 

Weary and rejoicing,

Emilee

 

 

 

january's journal entry titles.

Remember when I said I wanted to give a title to every journal entry this year? Well, January was a success and I thought I'd share--this is also the month I have journaled the most in a LONG time. :) I have enjoyed the process... even when it was hard to write some days.

•Tuesday, January 1, 2013.
[Peace Under Clouds.]

•Wednesday, January 2, 2013.
[I'm Back: Double Renewal.]

•Thursday, January 3, 2013.
[Contentment in Normalcy--a lil']

•Friday, January 4, 2013.
[The Curse of Vulnerability; the Blessing of Depending.]

•Monday, January 7, 2013.
[Roles + Quotes]

•Tuesday, January 8, 2013
[Beautiful 'Little' Lessons]

•Thursday, January 10, 2013.
[Adding to the Noise]

•Saturday, January 12, 2013.
[Christ + the Church]

•Monday, January 14, 2013.
[Wanting to Please in a World of (Men) Judges]

•Tuesday, January 15, 2013.
[Hosanna, Save Now.]

•Saturday, January 19, 2013.
[Dreams VS. Loneliness; Simply Not.]

•Saturday, January 19 {part two}, 2013.
[Resistance + the Heart of God]

•Monday, January 21, 2013.
[The 17th + Facts of Learning]

•Wednesday, January 23, 2013.
[Hard Is...]

•Thursday, January 24, 2013.
[An Update + 'Dear Grandpa']

•Friday, January 25, 2013.
[Record of the Savoring]

•Saturday, January 26, 2013.
[Terribly Mad; Weary + Rejoicing]

•Sunday, January 27, 2013.
[Panoramic View of Suffering; Soul's Best Wine.]

•Tuesday, January 29, 2013.
[Part One: Three Hands]

[Part Two: Smiles, Tears, and Last Breaths]

•Wednesday, January 30, 2013.
[Another Day in the Orchestra of Life]

•Thursday, January 31, 2013.
[God's Will, Expectation Exceeded, No Despair, Hatred, and Goodbye January]

Goodbye, January.
I like you, February + I look forward to you. Well, except that number 14 you possess--more on that later.

Teach me to number my days, Abba. I love You. Soften this heart of mine.

Here's to a month of catching up, unceasing prayer, random + heartfelt blog posts, turning to a certain age in a certain number of days, STARBUCKS {I miss Starbucks}, more reading, movie nights, more writing, picture taking, LIVING IT, hoping those dozen roses will come around miraculously, more drawing... and all this delightful 'stuff' that makes this peculiar treasure's heart grin.

Weary + Rejoicing,
Emilee

“Precious Lord Jesus, give us a fresh draught of Thy wondrous love to begin the month with. Amen.” --Charles Spurgeon,
Morning and Evening, February 1st.

grandpa's home.

How must I approach this post? By God's grace... and only by His grace.

My Grandpa Kerwin moved into God's kingdom this afternoon. Last Tuesday we were told that the cancer had spread and that we were just going to keep him comfortable until his time would come. Last Tuesday morning we were still praying big on my Grandpa's behalf. Although I noticed his changes we were still hoping for a different result. On Monday afternoon I announced to the Twitter world that I was feeling extra worn that day + I sent a message to my girlfriends stating that I was feeling overwhelmed due to my gut + the doctor's assumptions. On Tuesday afternoon, Mom and Dad came home with the news that I stated above. Crazy.

I will share more, I promise. I can't wait to write more. These past few months I have not been able to blog as much as I would like. I hate that, but that also leaves a project before me. Whether you like it or not, I'm going to write like there is no tomorrow. You will hear stories about my Grandpa, see pictures, and you will see ugly sides of me + Lord willing a good side as well. I can't share details right now. Let's just say my journal has been my filter and my acquaintances protection these last couple of months! So, tonight will be no different. Then, I will come to you giving honesty with modesty, because you simply must know how God has revealed Himself faithful personally to me through this.

^^almost always wearing a cap.

^^who knows what joke he was coming up with in + around this picture!

^^I can just hear his laugh.

Below are the pictures I thankfully captured in October at our local pumpkin patch. It was when he was still recognizable, but was changing more and more each day. I will treasure these. Oh, I'm gonna miss him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Below is a drawing I started right before Grandpa's birthday--I drew it a few days after driving to one of his radiation treatments out of town--my view from the backseat. :) I presented the beginning of it to him on his birthday, but finished it this last week, adding the message. It stayed on his sidetable in the hospital and is still on his dresser next to his Uganda hat. :)

We love you, Grandpa. What a treasure it was to know you; to be your granddaughter! Oh, how thankful we are that Kansas was in His plans for us. God knew what He was doing! He knew that we needed these extra memories with you. He knew that we needed to take care of you. He knew that when we moved in with you on August 6, 2010 temporarily that on January 29, 2013 you were going to move from your temporary home. He knew that on January 28, 2013 I would hold your hand in both of mine and celebrate your life at His feet. "Oh, what a friend we have in Jesus..."

Fill the air, Lord Jesus. You are still good and that truth can never be shaken. I am more in love with You than ever before. Thank-you for undescribable peace. Help me to write, to sleep. Remind me that it's okay to cry; I don't have to be a hero, because You are. Lord, I will be faithful and I know you will be great!

Friends, I will be back. Grandpa's home. I would have never chosen this ending, but somehow--somehow it's beautiful.

In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? --John 14:2
 

It sounds good enough to us. :)

Weary and rejoicing,
Emilee

 

 

strength, hope, joy, perserverance: here's 2013.

I lay on the floor of my clean-for-now room. I have journals to my left, workbooks to my right, and Scriptures to be delightfully read. I have already stained another year. My Awana book on the shelf to my right and my Greek NT to my left tell me the same harsh truth: we all fall short of the glory of God. We all have failed the One that could never fail us. He was nailed to an ugly, redeeming cross that only a redeeming Lord would carry--for us. For this; for the fulfillment of these eternal new mercies that have a way of making themselves well known on January 1st.

So, in a time of reflecting on my year--how hard I prayed, how much I have believed, how much I have LIVED IT, how much I have loved, how much I have simply smiled...

I make another list for some strange reason. We will get to that soon enough.

I log into Blogger... and I read that somebody out there wasn't ready... just like me.

How in the world do you step hopeful into the next year when you tripped messy through the last year? How do you stand brave with all the smiling rest and ring in the new year when the old year still feels a bit like a millstone around the neck? What if everyone else is making New Year’s resolutions and you just want New You solutions? --Ann Voskamp

I shouted anyway. I did a little happy dance and I touched the fluffy snow with my bare hands. I breathed deep, unexplainably giddy, soaking it in... those first moments of 2013. Maybe that's what this hope looks like--- breathing deep in the midst of confusion, unexplainably giddy with His joy, soaking in all the love that He showers and sings.

I rang in this new year with a girlyfriend on a walk up and down the street of our humble abode. We whispered and we laughed louder than we should have, but after all, everything is funnier when you're with your girlfriends.  We prayed. I started 2013 praying. There we walked, fighting the good fight, fighting for our husband's out there somewhere... there we were, with something like child-like faith surrendering the year to growing in our faith and taking the opportunities that He pours.

Then, morning comes. Are we going to stay true to what we said we would yesterday? I have already started this year with ridiculous baggy eyes and a weary heart.

 Running on four and a half hours of sleep due to our hours of dreaming and silent prayers in the night, we pushed, perservering in a simple task--buzzing in on Bible Quiz questions. Is this enough? This perservering thing? Is it worth it? Is it all it's cracked up to be? More than today's weariness, is this joy going to overflow? Is this hope going to come? Because uncertainties cloud and when my eyes look up, there is blurry confusion. This blurry confusion? It's where hope introduces itself.

Hope isn't an option or a word overused that really means nothing, in Christ, it's my command. Hope for unseen things on earth; hope for when He makes all things new and we are in His courts forever. It may be deferred, but what is our ultimate good, right, and true hope in Christ if our life is perfect? In His wonderful mystery, in the hardness of life, He brings us closer to His heart. I can't fathom it and I can't tie those truths in a fancy bow. They are what they are and they are magnificent.

Hope waits. It always does. But when the silence is so expansive it’s awkward and her fear hasn’t shrunk small... --Ann Voskamp

 

  How am I, personally, going to finish that sentence this year?
I see my life in those phrases--''but when the silence is so expansive it's awkward...''
He banishes this fear that overtakes the love in my heart... and hope springs from Love.
Hope grows. It's a long road to hope, but the journey is a good one. May I do this journey justice. May I live like I'm on borrowed time.

  My to-do list expands... my emotions reign for just a moment... my quiet personality is spread so thin it hurts... and then I remember this surrender. ...I'm running to Your arms... the riches of Your love will always be enough... nothing compares to Your embrace...

  Just then, God speaks through one of Ann Voskamp's friends, Maggie:

  “And the truth is: Your 2013 doesn’t need to-do lists like it needs to-God-be-the-glory lists!“--Maggie


 So, with all of these truths in mind, I am putting these new words and these new resoultions as accountability--not regulations or something to be looked down upon if we slip. Here goes:

• Read more. {even when it means less social media} Record all books written.
• Daily tell of activities for a collection idea via Pinterest.
• Do my best on completing Charle's Spurgeon's 'Morning and Evening'.
• Title every journal entry in 2013 {rather than just the date}.
• Blog more. Short blogs aren't against Peculiar Treausure's laws. :)

My words picked for 2011 in that long ago January: Hope, friendship, and new beginnings.
These words were rightly picked--they resembled what I was going through. They were a heart-cry and I marvel at His answering of that prayer, even though heartbreak came before I could see it.

My words picked for 2013: Strength {because I need an extra dose}, hope {because it's the last thing I want to work towards}, joy {because it's continually found in Him alone}, and perserverance {because it's essential here between the rains}.